Just a Story I like.

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered. 'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked. 'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.' The man gestured, and the gate began to open. 'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked. 'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.' The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. 'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?' 'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.' 'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog. 'There should be a bowl by the pump.'

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked. 'This is Heaven,' he answered. 'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.' 'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.' 'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?' 'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'


Author Unknown

Today I am going to speak my mind. Freeing my mind of all this built up frustration is necessary for me to survive, and maintain my sanity.

I am in a state of numbness and indifference. I have grown weary in the struggle and the good fight almost has me beat. I am weary in my mind, my spirit and in my body.

I am just plain tired. Tired of being invisible and unappreciated. Tired of having to explain myself, but still no one hears me but me. I am tired of being misunderstood and labeled.

And sick, sick of being mistreated by the very ones that are supposed to love me, appreciate me, provide for me, and protect me, Sick of being abandoned and left alone. I am fed up, fed up of caring for everyone else. Wiping the tears of others when they cry, but yet no one cares when I cry. Fed up with being disrespected, used and taken advantage of.

So what if I am loud sometimes, or that I am outspoken. Hell...I might even have an attitude, but that comes from years of having to fight, for myself. When I have to fight for others my attitude is welcomed, but when I am standing up for myself all of a sudden I am nothing, not beautiful or human. I am expected to shut my mouth, and not speak my frustration. I am expected to not be vocal and not care when I see that look, or when I am disrespected over and over, or talked to like I am nothing. I am expected to not feel angry or upset if I do I am seen as ugly, and unworthy.

I am hurt, hurt that the perception of me is that I am somehow a problem, when in all actuality I just want to be heard. I just want to be understood. I just want to be loved. I just want to be wanted. I just want to be seen as human. I just want respect. Sometimes the weariness, the sickness, the tiredness, the frustration and the hurt are too much. They well up in my throat so thick they almost choke me to death. And they stay there with a tight grip not letting up. It makes me tense and it’s uncomfortable.

I have felt so intensely for so long that my nerves are numb. Sometimes I don’t feel anything. I just move on from day to day. Besides God, I have learned that I am the only one who loves me. Other than the Lord I trust no one but myself. Every time I have extended that opportunity to others, I have been disappointed EVERY time. I have no words today. I have no feelings today. Today I am numb.


Courtney turns 13

Well it's official...Courtney is now a teenager. She enjoyed a nice birthday dinner and cake at Dad's and is gearing up for her big slumber party this weekend. It is so hard to believe she is 13. It just seems like yesterday that we were having Missy's baby shower. Where does the time go?

Also today Ryan had orientation at his first job. Now I have a teenager who is working. I don't feel like I'm old enough. With the kids it's like they come into this world and then you blink and they are young adults. It's really crazy how fast their childhood goes by. You guys with little ones...enjoy them while you can...before you know it they will be grown and gone.


Fail blog

If you have the time you just have to check out my newest link on the sidebar...Fail blog...it is hilarious! Let me know what you think.

Hay Daze

Well it's now official...fall is here...Monday was the first day of autumn and now the second cut of hay is baled and stored away in the barn for Buck and Star to enjoy this winter. I also have leaves falling in the yard. Special thanks to Daniel for helping the guys put up the hay!